


Some Things Are Meant to Be

by Lanyare



Series: What's Done Cannot Be Undone [6]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 08:02:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14256552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanyare/pseuds/Lanyare
Summary: "...but liches, you realize, are by their nature a rejection of the order of fate. You removed yourself from the path your life was intended to take, from the natural cycle of life and death. Even if such a thing is done with the very best of intentions, it is still very wrong— and liches cannot be allowed to continue to exist."





	Some Things Are Meant to Be

**Author's Note:**

> Start reading this series with "[The Prize of Our Own Survival](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13661730)" if you haven't already!

The aftermath of the Hunger's defeat lasts through the night and into the next day, with the exuberant celebration flowing into mourning and back into manic energy that defies loss and death even in the midst of them. By the time Taako collapses into bed he thinks he could sleep for a week or more, but instead finds himself staring up at the ceiling, his mind whirling despite his utter exhaustion. The last couple of days have been...well, _intense_ is far too mild a word for that chaotic whirlwind, between Wonderland and the raid on the Director's office and the final return of the Hunger and, well. _Everything_. His entire world has changed. He has changed. And the future...remains to be seen.

Taako rolls over and buries his face in a pillow, unsure whether he wants to cry or scream curses into the muffling fabric. Maybe some things (some major things, he has to admit) have turned out all right, but still...he'd fucked up, he'd fucked _so much_ up. And even though multiple times during the celebration he'd found himself scanning the crowd around him for a very particular dark-haired figure, Kravitz had never put in an appearance, despite his promise that they'd talk after everything was over.

"After" could mean an awful lot, though, and undoubtedly the reaper has a lot on his plate. Just dealing with the multitude of souls he'd allowed out of the Stockade to assist in the fight would be enough to keep him occupied for some time, and when you add onto that dealing with all those who had perished in the battle, Kravitz is likely to be running around for the next few weeks. And really, shouldn't he be _glad_ of the respite? After all, he's...what he is. Not something that Kravitz can simply allow to keep existing. The earlier leniency for all the deaths Taako hadn't remembered dying at the time simply can't hold up when he's committed a far worse crime, with full awareness of what he was doing. He should be enjoying the time he has now, time to catch up with his family, with Lup, with everyone.

But no, here he is, lying awake and restless when he'd much rather be unconscious, pretty much deliberately making himself feel miserable when he should be happy for so very many reasons. As if he really needs any more evidence that he's a big ol' fuckin' idiot.

 _Fuck_.

He shoves the pillow away from himself and sits up as it plops lightly onto the floor, trying to settle himself into a comfortable position. If he can't sleep, he can at least meditate like a proper elf, right? If nothing else, it's better than just lying there agonizing about how much he wants some rest.

It's still quite difficult to shift into even a light trance, though, and Taako finds himself repeatedly dragging his wayward thoughts back into the proper track.

 _Inhale_.

He'd been so stupid to accept the sacrifice those fucking liches had demanded, stupid to not think ahead to the consequences that would follow, to let them distract him, tempt him, get himself so caught up in his own fucking vanity…

_Exhale._

At least now he understands just why he'd been so weirdly reluctant to accept the initial sacrifice— he hadn't remembered Lup, yet he'd still been clinging to her. He'd still refused to let himself lose what he had left of her in their shared appearance. But even so, it had been no less stupid of him…

_Inhale._

And now what is he supposed to do? He's a fucking _lich_ and the Raven Queen and Kravitz are going to be after him for it— Lup and Barry might have been able to argue for some kind of leniency, given that they'd become liches decades ago in an entirely different planar system, and they had kind of saved the world and everything, but him? He was entirely aware of how wrong it was when he'd performed the ritual (even if it was a form of it not practiced in this world, one that required sacrifice only on the part of the caster), he'd been _dating_ the fucking _Grim Reaper_ at the time…

_Exhale._

Even if he puts all that shit aside (as if that's possible) he's still left wondering just what his place will be in this new world. For a decade he hasn't questioned that at all, since he wasn't aware that there were any other options or anything, but now that the weight of the previous century is back on his shoulders, he has to reconcile his old attitudes and his new ones, figure out just who he's going to be now…

_Inhale._

And abruptly— light, brilliant enough to shine through his closed eyelids, and Taako automatically recoils, lifting a hand to shield his eyes as he opens them. He blinks, then again, then rubs at his eyes for a moment before looking around once more.

Nope. Still the same as when he first looked.

He's no longer in his familiar bedroom.

This is...a room, he guesses? A space, maybe, the dimensions hard to quite make out, everything white and lit with a peculiar kind of sourceless light that turns to rainbows in his peripheral vision. Empty, but for him, until he turns and there's now someone else there as well. Someone seated in a comfortable chair, hands busy with knitting something that spills across her lap and onto the floor, the end impossible to find or see or maybe both.

"...Istus?" Taako asks, even though the answer is rather painfully obvious— it's not like he talks to goddesses on a regular basis or anything. "Uh. Hi?"

"You've accomplished quite a lot since I last spoke to you, Taako." Istus's eyes lift to his, though her hands don't so much as slow at their work. "And, I have to admit, not all of it positive."

Taako blinks once then looks away, only then noticing (or had it only just appeared?) a chair matching Istus's own just beside him. He flops heavily into it, letting his head rest against the back so he stares upward at the formless whiteness above him. "I'm, uh, going to guess you're talking about the whole lich thing, right?"

"Hm. _The whole_ _lich thing_ indeed." The goddess's tone of voice gives him nothing to go on, and Taako doesn't really want to look back at her just yet. "One of the things the Raven Queen and I agree on completely is with regard to liches, you know."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Uh." Taako slouches farther down into the chair with a sigh, closing his eyes briefly. "Yeah, I know it was stupid. I shouldn't have done it, I just...it was a, uh, a fu— er, really bad situation all around, you know?"

"I know," Istus replies, and he dares a quick glance in her direction, only to meet her level gaze, which seems somehow to hold him in place, seeing through all of his poses and pretenses to the him that lies beneath it all. "But liches, you realize, are by their nature a rejection of the order of fate. You removed yourself from the path your life was intended to take, from the natural cycle of life and death. Even if such a thing is done with the very best of intentions, it is still very wrong— and liches cannot be allowed to continue to exist."

A chill washes over him, making Taako involuntarily shudder before he catches himself and straightens in the chair again. "So, what, you— you brought me here to, to kill me?" _Better her than Kravitz, at least…_

"No."

Taako blinks, relief warring with confusion. "Huh?"

The smallest hint of a smile touches Istus's mouth, and she lowers her knitting to her lap. "I brought you here to offer you a _choice_ , Taako." She glances down at her work, one finger tracing a thread along its path. "You admit you made a mistake, and...well, after what you and your friends did for this world — for _all_ worlds — I'm willing to let you decide how to mend it."

Silence falls as Taako's thoughts jumble and spin, a fragment of hope rising to tangle with fear, fear for himself, for Lup, for Barry—

"Don't worry about your sister and her husband." Istus's voice cuts through his distraction, as though she'd heard what he was thinking (and why wouldn't she, she's a fucking _goddess_ , so _why not_ ). "They're to be offered a choice of their own. Here, in this moment, it is only about you."

"In _my_ world _every_ moment is all about Taako," he begins, but the affectation fails under her steady gaze, and after a moment of awkward silence he quietly clears his throat. "Uh. This, this _choice_ you're offering, how— what, uh, precisely are we talking about here?"

Istus turns to look to his left, and he follows her gaze to find a small white table sitting nearby as though it had always been there. On its surface rests three objects: his KrebStar, a golden spindle, and a large black feather. Taako pushes up out of his chair and steps closer, frowning as he regards the three objects. "Okay, well, this is, you know, fascinating and all, but what does it mean?"

"The first," Istus says, now standing on the opposite side of the table from him and gesturing toward his glaive with one hand, "is where you return as you are now. You live your life as though everything is normal, with none the wiser for what happened in Wonderland."

Images fill Taako's mind as he looks at the KrebStar, images of himself, glittering and fabulous, known to all and adored by many. His own school of magic, his name and brand everywhere, the wealth and fame he'd dreamed of as a child and more, all his to command....

"But when your life comes to what should have been its natural end...you willingly give yourself up to the Raven Queen's delayed justice." And with the finality of that statement, Taako can see himself standing before a rift that tears itself open to admit Kravitz, scythe in hand, can see himself close his eyes as the scythe descends and—

He jerks back from the table, eyes wide and heart pounding. "That's, uh. _Fuck_ , I—" Taako draws in a deep breath, shaking his head as though to knock loose the images he'd just seen. "Okay, that's, uh, what about the other two?"

Istus smiles just slightly and inclines her head, her hand moving to indicate the golden spindle. "You agreed to become my emissary in Refuge," she says, and he can almost feel her symbol on its chain beneath his shirt grow warmer against his skin. "If you so choose, you would fully enter my service."

"Enter your service?" Taako echoes, blinking away the rainbows impossibly refracting from the golden surface of the spindle. "Pretty sure I'd make, like, the worse fu— uh, cleric ever to exist."

Her smile quirks just a little wider, though there's a peculiar hint of sadness to it. "You would be a bit more than a simple cleric, Taako. You would have to leave your life behind and become...well, my servant, in much the same way that reapers serve the Raven Queen."

His heart seems to jump into his throat as realization hits, choking off air until he feels dizzy. "I— you mean, I'd _die_?" Now? Already? He'd just managed to find everyone again, he can't just give that up so quickly, not when there's still so much to do, to catch up on....

"Taako," Istus says, her voice softer, warmer. "Technically speaking, you're already dead. You're a _lich_. That's what it means, you know."

"I—" Spots dance in front of his vision and he lifts a trembling hand to rub at his face, trying to remember how things like breathing work. He does know. He does realize, but...it isn't the same thing.

Is it?

Gods, but he wishes Lup were here. Even if she couldn't help him make the decision, he feels lost without her to stand by him, give him the anchor she's always been. Maybe if he knew what choice she's being offered, it would help him make his own decision. Or...maybe not, maybe it makes sense for him not to know, for it would be so easy to simply follow her decision without considering his own.

But this time Istus doesn't wait for his prompt to continue, and he sees through blurred vision as she motions toward the feather. "The last is a similar choice, but offered by another: the Raven Queen."

"The—" Taako chokes on the words, spine stiffening with shock as he stares at Istus, only vaguely aware of how ridiculous he must look with eyes wide and mouth agape, but he can't help it. He'd been surprised that the Raven Queen would have allowed him the time offered by the first choice, rather than just striking him down where he stood, but this—

"You did already prove yourself once," Istus observes, seeming serenely unaware of his shock. "The two liches in Wonderland were brought to long-delayed justice, thanks to you and your companions. She believes you could be of great service as one of her reapers." She pauses a moment, then adds, "One of her own reapers proposed the idea to her, in fact. One who was...quite eloquent in asking her for mercy in this instance."

With legs that suddenly don't seem to want to support him, Taako steps back once, twice, until his calves bump into the chair he'd recently abandoned and he half-collapses into the seat. Kravitz? Kravitz had gone to his goddess, asking her to spare...him?

He stares blankly forward, not really taking in the table and its three offerings or the goddess standing by it, feeling as though the ground beneath him had fallen away entirely, but at the same time, impossibly, had become more solid.

What—

How can he—

"Take as much time as you need to think," he heard Istus say, felt a light brush against his cheek like a comforting touch. "In this place it doesn't move as it does outside. When you're ready, simply make your choice, and you'll return as though you'd never left."

And then she's gone, leaving him alone in the endless space, alone with the three objects that symbolize his potential futures.

Fame and glory, everything he'd once wanted. The service of a goddess, whether fate or death.

The first tempts him with the lure of his once-dreams, but when he thinks of the images he'd seen Taako realizes just how empty it could be. He'd have friends, certainly, but he'd seen nothing deeper. Not until the end. Not until Kravitz had appeared once more.

Kravitz. _Kravitz_. It's ridiculous, he thinks, just how deeply the reaper worked his way into Taako's life, even when he was missing his heart, didn't realize just how much more he was than the simple wizard working for the Bureau. What had started as a lark, a fling, had turned into so very much more, something that holds him steady, something without which he'd felt himself losing control over his changed self.

And even after what he'd done, Kravitz hadn't been angry, hadn't accused or attacked him— with so much else going on, so much else to consider, he'd gone to his goddess and pleaded for leniency. To allow Taako, despite his sins and crimes, to enter into the Raven Queen's service.

Something warm and wet spatters against his hand and Taako starts, only then realizing that tears are spilling from his eyes unchecked, sliding down his cheeks to fall into his lap. He impatiently scrubs at his face with his sleeve, trying to force himself to settle down, to relax and think rationally. There's a decision to make, and despite Istus's suggestion that he take some time, he knows that thinking too much about it will only make him second-guess himself.

Taako shoves his way free of the chair and over to the table in one swift movement, his hand reaching out to hover above the three objects. Life as a criminal with a suspended sentence— no. That can be eliminated. But the other two—

An image of himself dances before Taako's eyes, garbed in sleek black and a feathered cloak, grasping a scythe in one hand. He's a fucking _awesome_ wizard, and as a reaper, there's no doubt he'd be even more so. And yet....

Combat magic? That's Lup's thing, always has been. He can do it, sure, he can rock it if he wants to. But it's not...really _him_.

His hand trembles as it hovers between the spindle and the feather, his heart pounding. Kravitz had petitioned for him to become a reaper. Would he be upset if Taako didn't accept?

For an instant longer he hesitates, then abruptly steels himself. "Fuck it," he snaps, impatient with his own indecision, and closes his hand around the spindle.

Light flares, filling his vision with dancing rainbows, and he hears Istus's delighted laughter in his ears and heart. _So be it_ , the goddess declares, her joy bleeding into him as he's filled with light and _purpose_ so solid and real he can never doubt it for a moment.

And then Taako opens his eyes to find himself back in his familiar bedroom, though no longer his familiar self, and finds he's not alone. Without thought or hesitation he launches himself toward Kravitz, and as their lips meet he feels a peculiar sort of lurch that he recognizes with senses new to him: fate falling into its proper, inexorable course.

**Author's Note:**

> I think this might be the end of this series, now (unless something occurs to me later on). Thanks to everyone who's read and supported this, and please stick with me in the future!
> 
> Also, you can find me over on tumblr as [ramavoite](http://ramavoite.tumblr.com). :)


End file.
